The following is a follow-up to the "30 Stages of a Relationship." Unlike the "30 Stages," however, this posting is not only more serious, but it is also written in a poetic, philosophical manner instead of a humorous, anecdotal manner.
I'd like to begin with a quote I conjured up one day that I believe sums up the pain of rejection:
"To tell a jilted or heartbroken person that 'it'll happen one day' is like telling a starving person that one day they'll find food (while you're stuffing a turkey leg down your throat in front of them)."
What is love? The purity of all cosmic solutions...the force that clings and connects, cushions, and comforts...the antidote.
What is lust? Nature with fangs...the blight upon fruitful fields...that which buries the spirit and nurtures the flesh. The grand illusion of what is...what is that which is? Goodness? That is only half the story. Nature has a way of enrapturing and devouring its subjects: IT is good because IT is and could never not have been? No. Only under the immediate, immutable, and crystal-clear vision of emotional and sensible recognition is good TRULY good.
Lust is venerated by blind zombies, possessed and propelled forward into eternally claustrophobic states of oblivion.
Cruel irony. I wish to vaporize any and all forms of animosity that are bred under the false pretense of divinity. The battle of the sexes? Hardly! The battle of the genders? Absolutely! Poor, defenseless human vessels, indoctrinated into spiritual savagery, split apart at the seams, and pitted against one another.
Why do we relish in toxicity...joyfully frolicking in a vat of acidic attributes and proliferated, culturally-condoned stereotypes: "Men are brutish and simple, ravenous, rapacious, and animalistic"... "women are conniving and coy, complex, secretive, manipulative, hysterical, and weak"?? To defend either of these above statements with the slightest bit of conviction is despicable in every sense of the word. The former is not a basic monster. The latter is not an enigmatic charity case. Each sex possesses its own particular strengths and its only particular weaknesses.
Imagine a man covered with with scars and open sores...bright red patches of raw skin...the protective outer layer of which has been chafed away through toilsome labor. How weak and sensitive he is, a creature to be pitied. If we were to badger him and douse his wounds with citric acid, inflicting trenchant, convulsive pain upon him...how cruel would that be? Human nature is the same way: covered with open wounds, limited in its capacities. Why do we proudly parade around the weaknesses of one another and the "opposite sex" (even in jest)? Do we get a pleasure out of kicking someone when they're down? Razing, scolding, and tormenting them until they can take it no more? We do not and will never fully understand the entirety of someone else's experiences-- their joys, their torments, their struggles, their glories. Perhaps their Heaven is our Hell. Perhaps their Hell is our Heaven.
Silence is the ugliest and most corrosive form of all human expressions. Even the nastiest rants, the most destructive and repugnant words emitted from the mouths of the world's most vile dictators, don't hold a candle to the depravity of unresponsiveness. Reciprocated hatred is infinitely more bearable than unreciprocated love. Look at Levin without Kitty...Rick Blaine without Ilsa...Guinevere without Lancelot. We all know what is feels like. Rejection is like a rock slide. The heaviest stones are comprised of solid reticence.
Infatuation is like a bolt of lighting---striking us at random, infusing salient jolts of passion into our otherwise lifeless bodies, arousing our deepest desires. Infatuation possesses us. We are at its mercy. Infatuation can either ignite or extinguish a fire within us. Infatuation can alter the flow of time. Under the curse of Infatuation, we grow hungry, tired, thirsty, and weak. A single second without the person whom we desire-- the only one who can fill our stomaches, put us to sleep, quench our thirst, and enliven us--can stretch on for an eternity. The hands on a clock become self-aware. The more we stare at them, the more they torture us.
To love someone deeply is to embrace them without hesitation...to stand up in front of a roaring tidal wave without flinching, and to remain completely helpless yet perfectly dignified.
Lust is the foe of human progress, though... the coiling serpent...the Krachen...the Leviathan at the bottom of the ocean that springs up to the surface of the sea to devour the ships of diligent sailors. We must not ignore this monstrous beast. We must change it. We must tame and subdue it. We must erase its evolutionary "goodness" into TRUE goodness.
In the meanwhile though, laugh in the face of death and the brightness of love will emerge.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The 30 Stages of Liminality (Humor)
From the writer of the "30 Stages of Relationships" comes a new list... this time of the 30 steps people go through after leaving college and entering the working world. Bear in mind, just like my last "30 Stages" list, this one is very playful and tongue-in-cheek. Please do not take any of the steps too seriously.
1) Graduation Day. Congratulate your fellow classmates on their achievements, wish them good luck, and then send them your deepest condolences.
2) "I'm thinking on moving to a bigger place. I wonder how many square feet my parents' basement is."
3) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
4) Preparing the resume. I think we've gotten to a point in our society where perhaps including "Dance Party Host" and "Captain of the Beer Pong Team" are useful entries to include under "Relevant Experience."
5) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
6) It's always important to travel the world and go as many places as you can when you get the chance. Given that you've maxed out your debit card and are currently living at home with your parents, this seems like a very smart option.
7) [Insert underwater pool shot of Benjamin Braddock from The Graduate]
8) Social Networking. It's all about getting to know people and building connections that'll last a lifetime (or at least until the internet server crashes and you actually have to meet up with someone in person).
9) Move to a young, hip, lively American city, somewhere where there are lots of rock concerts every weekend, marathons every month, and bars that are open all night long every day of the week...oh, and if you have the time, a low crime and unemployment rate as well.
10) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
11) Reality Television. Because when our forefathers built this nation, parading around drunk and half-naked in front of millions of viewers for a 30-minute time-slot was the dream they hoped every perseverant, hardworking American could reach.
12) When in doubt, open a cupcake store.
13) "A dog is a man's best friend." Get yourself one and you can continue to do all the kinds of things you'd do with your normal group of friends: walk them around the block on a leash, clean up their waste, and feed them bowls of food on the floor.
14) Sometimes it's best to go back to the Ivory Tower. Grad school can teach you many important job skills you might not have learned as an undergraduate in college (for instance, how to bang your head on the table when you realize how far into debt you've gone).
15) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
16) Buy a car. Or if you wishing to save some money, buy a hot air balloon and everyone will think you're Jules Verne.
17) Alumni Weekend. The sudden realization that you are no longer allowed to freely explore every single whimsical idea that comes to mind. I wish there was a more whimsical way of saying that.
18) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
19) The sudden realization that summers are no longer neatly bookended gaps of time in which one can explore all of the great and wondrous marvels of life. That is unless of course, as a kid, you marveled at how the air conditioner inside an office building worked.
20) Marriage. You know, that institution-like thing you enter into when you realize that you're so deeply in love with a person that you're willing to spend the rest of your life with them... or when you realize that it's just the popular thing to do.
21) Buying your first home. Too bad all those crude sketches from elementary school of two vertical lines with a triangle on top costed much more than you thought.
22) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
23) Oops! That was all a dream. I'm not married and I don't own a home. I'm still living in that crummy one-bedroom apartment off 31st Street.
24) Happy Hour? A disquieting notion. Isn't it? Realizing that we can only relegate one 60-minute period of the day in which to be joyful. How about Happy Day? or Happy Week?
25) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
26) Oh! No. Wait! That was all a dream! I'm not living in my own apartment. I'm still at my parents' house and it's only been two months since I graduated college. I wonder what's for dinner?
27) I wonder what's on TV?
28) I wonder who the next President of the United Sates will be?
29) Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.
30) Every person in the world can achieve the "American Dream." Just set yourself up in a cardboard box and put a white picket fence up around it. It's as simple as that.
1) Graduation Day. Congratulate your fellow classmates on their achievements, wish them good luck, and then send them your deepest condolences.
2) "I'm thinking on moving to a bigger place. I wonder how many square feet my parents' basement is."
3) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
4) Preparing the resume. I think we've gotten to a point in our society where perhaps including "Dance Party Host" and "Captain of the Beer Pong Team" are useful entries to include under "Relevant Experience."
5) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
6) It's always important to travel the world and go as many places as you can when you get the chance. Given that you've maxed out your debit card and are currently living at home with your parents, this seems like a very smart option.
7) [Insert underwater pool shot of Benjamin Braddock from The Graduate]
8) Social Networking. It's all about getting to know people and building connections that'll last a lifetime (or at least until the internet server crashes and you actually have to meet up with someone in person).
9) Move to a young, hip, lively American city, somewhere where there are lots of rock concerts every weekend, marathons every month, and bars that are open all night long every day of the week...oh, and if you have the time, a low crime and unemployment rate as well.
10) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
11) Reality Television. Because when our forefathers built this nation, parading around drunk and half-naked in front of millions of viewers for a 30-minute time-slot was the dream they hoped every perseverant, hardworking American could reach.
12) When in doubt, open a cupcake store.
13) "A dog is a man's best friend." Get yourself one and you can continue to do all the kinds of things you'd do with your normal group of friends: walk them around the block on a leash, clean up their waste, and feed them bowls of food on the floor.
14) Sometimes it's best to go back to the Ivory Tower. Grad school can teach you many important job skills you might not have learned as an undergraduate in college (for instance, how to bang your head on the table when you realize how far into debt you've gone).
15) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
16) Buy a car. Or if you wishing to save some money, buy a hot air balloon and everyone will think you're Jules Verne.
17) Alumni Weekend. The sudden realization that you are no longer allowed to freely explore every single whimsical idea that comes to mind. I wish there was a more whimsical way of saying that.
18) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
19) The sudden realization that summers are no longer neatly bookended gaps of time in which one can explore all of the great and wondrous marvels of life. That is unless of course, as a kid, you marveled at how the air conditioner inside an office building worked.
20) Marriage. You know, that institution-like thing you enter into when you realize that you're so deeply in love with a person that you're willing to spend the rest of your life with them... or when you realize that it's just the popular thing to do.
21) Buying your first home. Too bad all those crude sketches from elementary school of two vertical lines with a triangle on top costed much more than you thought.
22) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
23) Oops! That was all a dream. I'm not married and I don't own a home. I'm still living in that crummy one-bedroom apartment off 31st Street.
24) Happy Hour? A disquieting notion. Isn't it? Realizing that we can only relegate one 60-minute period of the day in which to be joyful. How about Happy Day? or Happy Week?
25) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
26) Oh! No. Wait! That was all a dream! I'm not living in my own apartment. I'm still at my parents' house and it's only been two months since I graduated college. I wonder what's for dinner?
27) I wonder what's on TV?
28) I wonder who the next President of the United Sates will be?
29) Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.
30) Every person in the world can achieve the "American Dream." Just set yourself up in a cardboard box and put a white picket fence up around it. It's as simple as that.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
The Trap Door
The following is a series of personal quotes/ideas that I've accumulated over the course of the past year that illustrate my belief that the best course for any person to take in life is one of balance, humility, and consistent self-examination (not unlike what Socrates believed)
1) The experience of staring into the plaintive, anguished eyes of a living creature is an experience unlike any other. The intensity is so great: to confront misfortune, weakness, and/or adversity in the eyes of someone else is to look straight into the eyes of ourselves against the backdrop of eternity.
2) Enveloped in the cloak of cosmic humility, we are blessed or cursed with the "immediate certainty of vision" that all events, circumstances, and all physical, spiritual, and psychological sensations are the result of powers beyond the individual.
3) Luck is a roguish entity; one that perennially brainwashes people...turning coats and trading sides...elevating, disintegrating, elucidating, and befuddling the minds of human beings...leaving them at the mercy of circumstance.
4) It is an undoubtedly foolish illusion to assume universal control in a universe of infinitely ever-changing possibilities.
5) We are at the mercy of the soil...the roll of the die...the invisible trap door beneath our feet, which moves in tandem with us as we do.
6) Humility is the safety harness of the soul.
7) All people believe in divinities, even atheists. Divinities are the supreme forces of the universe, ones that govern and guide the movements of all matter in the world and the circumstances & experiences of all living beings.
8) Eternity is gently nestled inside of every flickering moment of time. The entirety of the universe is gently nestled inside every infinitely minute piece of matter. Heaven and Hell, respectively, aren't merely realms filled with white clouds and golden harps or roaring flames and smoldering rocks, but physical, spiritual, and psychological manifestations of the human experience that exist within and beyond the flesh.
9) Hell is the state of absolute, unending, inescapable anguish. Heaven is the state of infinite clarity, renewal, hope, and love.
10) Reality is a cavernous, pockmarked landscape...continually manifesting itself through horrifyingly glorious moments of secrecy and revelation.
11) The human experience is a consistent balancing act between deterioration and convalescence.
12) Patience is a virtue only when it is directed towards an inevitable resolution. Otherwise, it is a mere waste of mortal finitude.
13) The expression freedom isn't free has always confused me. Ultimate freedom is, has been, and always will be free. If that were not the case, it would not be true freedom.
14) Value doesn't exist within suffering. Value necessarily negates suffering.
15) Remember that though the flames roar eternally, Hell is dead-bolted from the inside.
16) With each successive moment comes the birth of a new, infinite body of potential for change.
17) Religion is a human enterprise. Spirituality is religion in its purest state.
18) We need not focus our energy on religious conversion. Rather, focusing our energy on religious consolidation is more important. The diverse opinions and beliefs of all human beings are more alike than they different.
19) God and Divinity are the best of nations, governments, states, and private homes...the parents of Utopia...their constituents nestled comfortably in the various neighborhoods of the Cosmos, unified in spirit by their allegiance to a state of perpetual growth and wonder.
20) The brilliancy of technology lies in the teleology of human application.
21) Beneath the thin veneer of consciousness, the human being is a voracious animal...continually pitting its razor sharp fangs against the flesh, blood, sweat, and tears of the external world.
22) Where do you choose to live: beneath the ground or above it? Are you the island or the volcano beneath it that brings forth its existence?
23) The world exists as things...as rocks and trees and flesh and blood and stone...as something that's the result of billions of years of simple logic fleshed out and manifested in the form of infinitely imperceptible matter.
24) I often get the impression that when one posits strange, personal, and oftentimes unorthodox views on life, society, culture, and the overall interwoven fabric of human existence, experience, and interaction, they are frowned upon and ostracized...not by the violent threats and coercive actions of some oppressive government, but rather by the harsh opinions of a judgmental society.
25) We too often jump to conclusions and fail to understand the true context and circumstance under which somebody speaks of or writes about something. We remain cautious and reserved, not expressing thoughts we need to express because we fear others will passive-aggressively, haphazardly judge us. As a result, the flowing network of human communication remains empty. News is mere gossip, and excruciatingly superficial, innocuous prattle becomes part of "iconic" human culture.
26) We are taught to be audacious individuals who pursue the greatest endeavors and entrepreneurial enterprises of the world, and to soar fearlessly through the open skies. Why then do our wings remain coated in an irremovable layer of Icarus's wax?
27) Our desires are ultimately not driven by actions, but rather by the hope that one day our actions will no longer be required.
28) It is important to consider all views when examining the cosmic predicament and phenomenology that envelops us. We must avoid sleepwalking--blindfolded--through the thick woodlands of our mind.
29) Strength, fortune, courage, and sacrifice...those are the assignments of human existence. When we realize that we must walk across crumbling stone bridges over infinite chasms, using the sheer skill of balance to outweigh the adverse circumstances that rage forth against us, we must depend on both one another and ourselves as individuals. Humility and self-confidence are not irreconcilable.
30) Every conscious form of life has an inner essence...an inner soul. These souls are sent down into the darkness of the earth to pave the way for the light of the divine.
31) Must we live like Yahoos among Houyhnhnms, silently yet ferociously snarling at one another under the pretense of sheer obliviousness? Our better natures are frequently trampled to death by the appetites like the hooves of our said superiors.
32) We are the Laputans. Our civilizations hover above the earth, yet we must always tread everywhere with a flapper in hand.
33) We all wish to drink from the River Lethe and taste the Lotus flowers.
34) One day the light from the two silver candlesticks will fall upon our faces.
35) All events and experiences exist within the confines of rhythm and melody.
36) Everything is an unfinished story.
37) Sometimes there are moments in life...thunderous, harrowing moments when our basic peace of mind is shaken to the core and that which we fear, love, and hate the most is exposed under the bright light of reality.
38) The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved by ourselves--say rather, loved in spite of ourselves-- Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)
39) It is one of the greatest enigmas of the world that people view and define the qualities, values, and experiences of things by their opposites. Day isn't day without night. Sunshine isn't the same without rain. And suffering makes joy what it is. Funny, supposing that joy existed without pain, day without night, or sunshine without rain; would anybody really be that miserable...or bored for that matter? It's impossible to say because we've never actually lived with that as our reality.
40) Why have people come to the conclusion that they are nothing until they're something? Is it too much to simply be someone, instead of having to become someone?
41) Every person is destined to suffer the encumbrances and relish in the joys relative to the era in which they live. If one were to escape the contingent physical, spiritual, cultural, social, political, and psychological advancements or regressions of their age, they would, in a sense, dodge the rules of existence. Time travel is thus not possible, as it would destroy the source that keeps all living beings in a consistent, unpredictable state of flux.
42) Why is bravery elevated above all other virtues? Do we despise fear with so much passion and reject it so greatly that we venerate the very quality that completely ignores it?
43) The whole scope of human history is comprised of those who triumphed and those who failed. True history is not simply written by the winners.
44) There is no such thing as a "Battle of the Sexes." A "Battle of the Genders"? Yes.
45) Power for the sheer sake of pleasure is the root of all evil.
46) The greatest tragedy in life is realizing that we took someone or something blessed for granted.
47) The past is an infinite reservoir, eternally blind to all senses except that of the mind.
48) What is the present? The offspring of the past and the parent of the future.
49) Sometimes that which could've been but wasn't is just as significant (if not more so) than that which actually was.
50) Reality is incidental.
51) Reality manifests itself through illusion, and illusion manifests itself through reality.
52) Sometimes those who believe they're trapped inside steel cells fifty miles beneath the earth's crust are actually running freely through verdurous meadows. Sometimes those who believe they're running freely through verdurous meadows are actually trapped inside steel cells fifty miles beneath the earth's crust.
53) Acting is a marvelous endeavor...to embody the life of another person and yet still retain your own.
54) Life is a series of inverse moments.
55) Life is movement...dynamism..contour. Boredom-- the stagnancy of experience--is the murderer of the human soul.
56) Intoxication is the forbidden acquisition of knowledge that good and bad are ultimately the same thing and part of the one inseparable, immutable, cosmological entity. Sobriety is compromised truth.
57) What happens when these words on the page are nothing more than bright, frighteningly empirical clusters of visual stimuli (I suppose in that case it obviously wouldn't matter, as :23o87289hfjke*&&^^%%$)?
58) No time is wasted. Does water that is shaken inside of a closed jar manage to escape?
59) For eons, man has seen only the wheel. Now he sees only the cog.
60) If something without form and figure can be as much of a daily reality to us as health insurance bills and trips to the car dealership, why should we not at least embrace it with a sense of marvel and wonder?
61) The soul quivers but says it does not. What good has ever arisen from dishonesty?
1) The experience of staring into the plaintive, anguished eyes of a living creature is an experience unlike any other. The intensity is so great: to confront misfortune, weakness, and/or adversity in the eyes of someone else is to look straight into the eyes of ourselves against the backdrop of eternity.
2) Enveloped in the cloak of cosmic humility, we are blessed or cursed with the "immediate certainty of vision" that all events, circumstances, and all physical, spiritual, and psychological sensations are the result of powers beyond the individual.
3) Luck is a roguish entity; one that perennially brainwashes people...turning coats and trading sides...elevating, disintegrating, elucidating, and befuddling the minds of human beings...leaving them at the mercy of circumstance.
4) It is an undoubtedly foolish illusion to assume universal control in a universe of infinitely ever-changing possibilities.
5) We are at the mercy of the soil...the roll of the die...the invisible trap door beneath our feet, which moves in tandem with us as we do.
6) Humility is the safety harness of the soul.
7) All people believe in divinities, even atheists. Divinities are the supreme forces of the universe, ones that govern and guide the movements of all matter in the world and the circumstances & experiences of all living beings.
8) Eternity is gently nestled inside of every flickering moment of time. The entirety of the universe is gently nestled inside every infinitely minute piece of matter. Heaven and Hell, respectively, aren't merely realms filled with white clouds and golden harps or roaring flames and smoldering rocks, but physical, spiritual, and psychological manifestations of the human experience that exist within and beyond the flesh.
9) Hell is the state of absolute, unending, inescapable anguish. Heaven is the state of infinite clarity, renewal, hope, and love.
10) Reality is a cavernous, pockmarked landscape...continually manifesting itself through horrifyingly glorious moments of secrecy and revelation.
11) The human experience is a consistent balancing act between deterioration and convalescence.
12) Patience is a virtue only when it is directed towards an inevitable resolution. Otherwise, it is a mere waste of mortal finitude.
13) The expression freedom isn't free has always confused me. Ultimate freedom is, has been, and always will be free. If that were not the case, it would not be true freedom.
14) Value doesn't exist within suffering. Value necessarily negates suffering.
15) Remember that though the flames roar eternally, Hell is dead-bolted from the inside.
16) With each successive moment comes the birth of a new, infinite body of potential for change.
17) Religion is a human enterprise. Spirituality is religion in its purest state.
18) We need not focus our energy on religious conversion. Rather, focusing our energy on religious consolidation is more important. The diverse opinions and beliefs of all human beings are more alike than they different.
19) God and Divinity are the best of nations, governments, states, and private homes...the parents of Utopia...their constituents nestled comfortably in the various neighborhoods of the Cosmos, unified in spirit by their allegiance to a state of perpetual growth and wonder.
20) The brilliancy of technology lies in the teleology of human application.
21) Beneath the thin veneer of consciousness, the human being is a voracious animal...continually pitting its razor sharp fangs against the flesh, blood, sweat, and tears of the external world.
22) Where do you choose to live: beneath the ground or above it? Are you the island or the volcano beneath it that brings forth its existence?
23) The world exists as things...as rocks and trees and flesh and blood and stone...as something that's the result of billions of years of simple logic fleshed out and manifested in the form of infinitely imperceptible matter.
24) I often get the impression that when one posits strange, personal, and oftentimes unorthodox views on life, society, culture, and the overall interwoven fabric of human existence, experience, and interaction, they are frowned upon and ostracized...not by the violent threats and coercive actions of some oppressive government, but rather by the harsh opinions of a judgmental society.
25) We too often jump to conclusions and fail to understand the true context and circumstance under which somebody speaks of or writes about something. We remain cautious and reserved, not expressing thoughts we need to express because we fear others will passive-aggressively, haphazardly judge us. As a result, the flowing network of human communication remains empty. News is mere gossip, and excruciatingly superficial, innocuous prattle becomes part of "iconic" human culture.
26) We are taught to be audacious individuals who pursue the greatest endeavors and entrepreneurial enterprises of the world, and to soar fearlessly through the open skies. Why then do our wings remain coated in an irremovable layer of Icarus's wax?
27) Our desires are ultimately not driven by actions, but rather by the hope that one day our actions will no longer be required.
28) It is important to consider all views when examining the cosmic predicament and phenomenology that envelops us. We must avoid sleepwalking--blindfolded--through the thick woodlands of our mind.
29) Strength, fortune, courage, and sacrifice...those are the assignments of human existence. When we realize that we must walk across crumbling stone bridges over infinite chasms, using the sheer skill of balance to outweigh the adverse circumstances that rage forth against us, we must depend on both one another and ourselves as individuals. Humility and self-confidence are not irreconcilable.
30) Every conscious form of life has an inner essence...an inner soul. These souls are sent down into the darkness of the earth to pave the way for the light of the divine.
31) Must we live like Yahoos among Houyhnhnms, silently yet ferociously snarling at one another under the pretense of sheer obliviousness? Our better natures are frequently trampled to death by the appetites like the hooves of our said superiors.
32) We are the Laputans. Our civilizations hover above the earth, yet we must always tread everywhere with a flapper in hand.
33) We all wish to drink from the River Lethe and taste the Lotus flowers.
34) One day the light from the two silver candlesticks will fall upon our faces.
35) All events and experiences exist within the confines of rhythm and melody.
36) Everything is an unfinished story.
37) Sometimes there are moments in life...thunderous, harrowing moments when our basic peace of mind is shaken to the core and that which we fear, love, and hate the most is exposed under the bright light of reality.
38) The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved by ourselves--say rather, loved in spite of ourselves-- Victor Hugo (Les Miserables)
39) It is one of the greatest enigmas of the world that people view and define the qualities, values, and experiences of things by their opposites. Day isn't day without night. Sunshine isn't the same without rain. And suffering makes joy what it is. Funny, supposing that joy existed without pain, day without night, or sunshine without rain; would anybody really be that miserable...or bored for that matter? It's impossible to say because we've never actually lived with that as our reality.
40) Why have people come to the conclusion that they are nothing until they're something? Is it too much to simply be someone, instead of having to become someone?
41) Every person is destined to suffer the encumbrances and relish in the joys relative to the era in which they live. If one were to escape the contingent physical, spiritual, cultural, social, political, and psychological advancements or regressions of their age, they would, in a sense, dodge the rules of existence. Time travel is thus not possible, as it would destroy the source that keeps all living beings in a consistent, unpredictable state of flux.
42) Why is bravery elevated above all other virtues? Do we despise fear with so much passion and reject it so greatly that we venerate the very quality that completely ignores it?
43) The whole scope of human history is comprised of those who triumphed and those who failed. True history is not simply written by the winners.
44) There is no such thing as a "Battle of the Sexes." A "Battle of the Genders"? Yes.
45) Power for the sheer sake of pleasure is the root of all evil.
46) The greatest tragedy in life is realizing that we took someone or something blessed for granted.
47) The past is an infinite reservoir, eternally blind to all senses except that of the mind.
48) What is the present? The offspring of the past and the parent of the future.
49) Sometimes that which could've been but wasn't is just as significant (if not more so) than that which actually was.
50) Reality is incidental.
51) Reality manifests itself through illusion, and illusion manifests itself through reality.
52) Sometimes those who believe they're trapped inside steel cells fifty miles beneath the earth's crust are actually running freely through verdurous meadows. Sometimes those who believe they're running freely through verdurous meadows are actually trapped inside steel cells fifty miles beneath the earth's crust.
53) Acting is a marvelous endeavor...to embody the life of another person and yet still retain your own.
54) Life is a series of inverse moments.
55) Life is movement...dynamism..contour. Boredom-- the stagnancy of experience--is the murderer of the human soul.
56) Intoxication is the forbidden acquisition of knowledge that good and bad are ultimately the same thing and part of the one inseparable, immutable, cosmological entity. Sobriety is compromised truth.
57) What happens when these words on the page are nothing more than bright, frighteningly empirical clusters of visual stimuli (I suppose in that case it obviously wouldn't matter, as :23o87289hfjke*&&^^%%$)?
58) No time is wasted. Does water that is shaken inside of a closed jar manage to escape?
59) For eons, man has seen only the wheel. Now he sees only the cog.
60) If something without form and figure can be as much of a daily reality to us as health insurance bills and trips to the car dealership, why should we not at least embrace it with a sense of marvel and wonder?
61) The soul quivers but says it does not. What good has ever arisen from dishonesty?
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Real World Chronicles Part I (Humor)
I present to you a series of self-deprecatingly humorous anecdotes that highlight some of the exhilarating and terrifying experiences I've had and wisdom-inspiring lessons I've learned by being out of college. Currently, eight months into the work world, I've finally succeeding at fulfilling the ultimate American Dream of living at home with my parents.
CHRONICLE NUMBER 1
Today I had a brilliant epiphany that put my heart, mind, and soul at ease. As long as I work dusk to dawn, cultivating my rich, two-by-two foot, cubicle/mega-mart shaped garden, things will be all right. I had a big laugh over that one.
CHRONICLE NUMBER 1
Today I had a brilliant epiphany that put my heart, mind, and soul at ease. As long as I work dusk to dawn, cultivating my rich, two-by-two foot, cubicle/mega-mart shaped garden, things will be all right. I had a big laugh over that one.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
10 Diseases Humanity Could Do Without (Humor)
Here's a death wishlist to a few maladies that add significant weight to human suffering and take away all the fun of living.
Warning: This blog contains mild profanity.
1) Diabetes Type 2- La Dolce Vita ("The Sweet Life"), as Fellini titles it, deserves to be lived. May all the pastries and sugars of this world unite atop the taste palettes of humanity and exist peacefully inside our stomachs.
2) Skin Cancer- How the hell am I supposed tan in peace when the sun keeps trying to wage unending biological warfare on me?
3) Lyme Disease- Remember, as a kid, rolling in the grass on a lazy summer day. Well so do those little indestructable bastards who poison your bloodstream and plague your bodily system with high fevers. God, that must really tick you off.
4) Cancer- The Big C, you're a paradigmatic example of victorious imperalism and a festering scar on humanity as nasty as The Nazi Party and Al Quaeda combined. You cells may be able to replicate, mutate, multiply, invade, and conquer. But, alas, we have better technology, and with the incineration of you, no one will shed a single tear. Go to hell, you vile sons of bitches and I hope you die slowly and painfully-- as you've forced us to! (By the way, I really do wonder sometimes what the "C" in your nickname stands for)
5) Venereal Diseases (Especially Syphillus and HIV/AIDS)- Unintended pregnancies and Catholic demonization of Libido-driven urges aren't enough to deal with already?
6) Rabies- "Aww...that cute little dog bit me. Don't worry. It's only a scratch." Seriously, Nature, you really are a bitch!
7) Tetnus- So what if I step on a rusty nail? Is that really worth remaining forever silent?
8) ALS/Lou Gherig's Disease- Anyone disease that messes with our national pasttime will pay!
9) Malaria- If you're known for sucking people's blood, I'm sure you're hated enough already. You mosquitoes really have a lot of nerve.
10) E-Coli- Without you, thousands of irresponsible teenagers could keep their jobs at low-quality, fast food joints. No, but in all seriousness, we really detest you for trying to teach us a lesson about eating red meat.
Warning: This blog contains mild profanity.
1) Diabetes Type 2- La Dolce Vita ("The Sweet Life"), as Fellini titles it, deserves to be lived. May all the pastries and sugars of this world unite atop the taste palettes of humanity and exist peacefully inside our stomachs.
2) Skin Cancer- How the hell am I supposed tan in peace when the sun keeps trying to wage unending biological warfare on me?
3) Lyme Disease- Remember, as a kid, rolling in the grass on a lazy summer day. Well so do those little indestructable bastards who poison your bloodstream and plague your bodily system with high fevers. God, that must really tick you off.
4) Cancer- The Big C, you're a paradigmatic example of victorious imperalism and a festering scar on humanity as nasty as The Nazi Party and Al Quaeda combined. You cells may be able to replicate, mutate, multiply, invade, and conquer. But, alas, we have better technology, and with the incineration of you, no one will shed a single tear. Go to hell, you vile sons of bitches and I hope you die slowly and painfully-- as you've forced us to! (By the way, I really do wonder sometimes what the "C" in your nickname stands for)
5) Venereal Diseases (Especially Syphillus and HIV/AIDS)- Unintended pregnancies and Catholic demonization of Libido-driven urges aren't enough to deal with already?
6) Rabies- "Aww...that cute little dog bit me. Don't worry. It's only a scratch." Seriously, Nature, you really are a bitch!
7) Tetnus- So what if I step on a rusty nail? Is that really worth remaining forever silent?
8) ALS/Lou Gherig's Disease- Anyone disease that messes with our national pasttime will pay!
9) Malaria- If you're known for sucking people's blood, I'm sure you're hated enough already. You mosquitoes really have a lot of nerve.
10) E-Coli- Without you, thousands of irresponsible teenagers could keep their jobs at low-quality, fast food joints. No, but in all seriousness, we really detest you for trying to teach us a lesson about eating red meat.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The World of Janus Morality (Humor)
In this posting, I will take some of our favorite (or in some cases, annoyingly intrusive) American expressions/principles and flip them on their sides.
1) He who hesitates is lost...unless of course he's asking for directions.
2) That which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger...unless of course it paralyzes us
3) Life is unfair, and we believe in this principle so strongly that we set up a system of justice and equality to enforce it.
4) Slow and steady wins the race, which is why that speed-demon crossing the yellow tape right now looks so confused.
5) Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? I see it as both. If it's half empty, by definition, it also has to be half full.
6) A penny saved is a penny earned. Actually, I'm not going to argue with that one.
7) If necessity is the mother of invention, then who's the father?
8) If the grass is always greener on the other side, then what are the people on the other side thinking?
9) Today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless of course it's the day you die (alright, I stole that one from "American Beauty")
10) Practice makes perfect. No. Perfect practice makes perfect.
11) Time heals all wounds, so I guess you can avoid that whole "going to the doctor's" thing.
12) When it rains, it pours. So what is called when there's only a light drizzle?
13) Money doesn't grow on trees...except paper money, which obviously has to come from trees.
14) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so is conformity.
15) In this world, you can be anything you want to be (as long as you have enough money)
1) He who hesitates is lost...unless of course he's asking for directions.
2) That which doesn't kill us can only make us stronger...unless of course it paralyzes us
3) Life is unfair, and we believe in this principle so strongly that we set up a system of justice and equality to enforce it.
4) Slow and steady wins the race, which is why that speed-demon crossing the yellow tape right now looks so confused.
5) Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? I see it as both. If it's half empty, by definition, it also has to be half full.
6) A penny saved is a penny earned. Actually, I'm not going to argue with that one.
7) If necessity is the mother of invention, then who's the father?
8) If the grass is always greener on the other side, then what are the people on the other side thinking?
9) Today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless of course it's the day you die (alright, I stole that one from "American Beauty")
10) Practice makes perfect. No. Perfect practice makes perfect.
11) Time heals all wounds, so I guess you can avoid that whole "going to the doctor's" thing.
12) When it rains, it pours. So what is called when there's only a light drizzle?
13) Money doesn't grow on trees...except paper money, which obviously has to come from trees.
14) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so is conformity.
15) In this world, you can be anything you want to be (as long as you have enough money)
Monday, June 27, 2011
30 Stages of "Love" (Or Whatever You Want To Call It)
Good morning fellow readers. Today I will discuss (romantic) love and all of its various stages. This is a topic I know nothing about and, quite frankly, I don't care to know anything about it. But I'll give my speculations and observations of it anyway.
Stage #1: It is a crime to call this stage one of "love." It's pure, animalistic lust and we know it, yet we give it a more refined name: "Love at first sight."
Stage #2: Small talk/ Playful prattle/ Flirty body language/ Pointless conversations. If you come upon two people in this stage, don't interrupt. It is like getting between a mother bear and her cubs. In this stage one learns many important facts about the other person: where they’re from, what they like to eat, what kind of crappy TV shows they like to watch, and what their name is (usually).
Stage #3: The Salacious Smile. Enough Said.
Stage #4: A quiet place. This stage is important because it helps isolate you from your competitors and allows you to make things more intimate (or "creepy," depending on what kind of person you're dealing with).
Stage #5: Loving contact. Playful tapping. Holding a person's hand. Putting your hand around or on the other person's shoulder, arm, or, if you're that audacious, leg.
Stage #6: The Look. Need I say more?
Stage #7: The Exhuming Process. Both parties realize that there's a definite spark between the two of them. Several outcomes can result from this: a steamy night of passion, a rich, well-developed relationship, or one person telling the other, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on like this, but I’ve actually been dating someone for the last three years. Can we just be friends?” (To which the best response is a heavy, annoyed sigh followed by a pitiful “O.K. I guess”)
Stage #8: Lump Sum. I would explain further, but this stage is one that has been demonized in every culture that values chastity, prudence, and not receiving a venereal disease or a bill every month for the next 18 years.
Stage #9: Dating. This stage is a period of joy and comfort, and can give both partners an inflated sense of self-worth (of which I know nothing about). It can also unite or drive away envious friends.
Stage #10: The Double Date: Parallel Joy. Parallel Misery. Parallel Make Out Sessions.
Stage #11: The "Other": A stage in which we are rudely and painfully reminded that, apparently, there's always someone out there "better" than us. Smaller sub-stages associated with "The 'Other'": "The Unpleasant Encounter," "The Unreciprocated Phone Call," and "The Restraining Order."
Stage #12: "It's not you. It's me." (Translation: "It's probably you, but I'm not going to say if it is because being indirect and driving you to the brink of frustration-fueled insanity is half the fun.")
Stage #13: "Something Doesn't Feel Right." The Break-Up's closest cousin, the "Something Doesn't Feel Right" stage is one of the most exhausting and obnoxious stages, especially for those who aren't actually dating. Experience most similar to Stage #13: Getting a paycheck at work that steadily rakes in less and less income each week yet never being told why.
Stage #14: "I can explain [...Oh wait, no I can't]" stage.
Stage #15: It's "Complicated"
Stage #10: The Double Date: Parallel Joy. Parallel Misery. Parallel Make Out Sessions.
Stage #11: The "Other": A stage in which we are rudely and painfully reminded that, apparently, there's always someone out there "better" than us. Smaller sub-stages associated with "The 'Other'": "The Unpleasant Encounter," "The Unreciprocated Phone Call," and "The Restraining Order."
Stage #12: "It's not you. It's me." (Translation: "It's probably you, but I'm not going to say if it is because being indirect and driving you to the brink of frustration-fueled insanity is half the fun.")
Stage #13: "Something Doesn't Feel Right." The Break-Up's closest cousin, the "Something Doesn't Feel Right" stage is one of the most exhausting and obnoxious stages, especially for those who aren't actually dating. Experience most similar to Stage #13: Getting a paycheck at work that steadily rakes in less and less income each week yet never being told why.
Stage #14: "I can explain [...Oh wait, no I can't]" stage.
Stage #15: It's "Complicated"
Stage #16: The Break Up. Often romanticized (no pun intended) as being a clean, painless process in movies, magazines, and cheaply produced sitcoms, in real life it is anything but (oh, big surprise). Most common reasons for break-ups: lack of communication, fidelity, or available time and space to “find oneself” (i.e. return to the club scene).
Stage #17: The Engagement. Quickly after the "I miss you so much, I hate you and I hope you die” stage, the two people realize that out of millions and millions of other equally attractive, eligible candidates in the world, they are one hundred and ten percent certain they only want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. It is a glorious and picturesque, dreamlike scene for any one who doesn't realize that this type of phenomenon happens so often and so haphazardly that the number of divorce papers filed every year could probably fill the Sears Tower.
Stage #18: The Marriage. This is the fun part of relationship. This is the stage where you can dress in fancy outfits, eat a bunch of cake, drink champagne, and then go relax on some tropical island you'd never have the money to afford a trip for on your own. Afterwards, it's all downhill.
Stage #19: The Children- Expensive, non-refundable, tax-deductable gifts from God.
Stage #20: The Affair. Strangely, this stage would probably disappear quickly if all the country club tennis instructors and mousey boardroom secretaries in the world were to do so as well.
Stage #19: The Children- Expensive, non-refundable, tax-deductable gifts from God.
Stage #20: The Affair. Strangely, this stage would probably disappear quickly if all the country club tennis instructors and mousey boardroom secretaries in the world were to do so as well.
Stage #21- The Divorce Stage- This is the stage when a couple realizes that a marriage usually entails more than a wedding ceremony and a honeymoon.
Stage #22- The Un-Ex-pected Encounter. One ex-spouse awkwardly attempts to reconcile things with the person whom they've abandoned their dreams with and sworn off their vows of eternal devotion to by introducing them to the person who's now taken their place. I'm sure this will go well.
Stage #22- The Un-Ex-pected Encounter. One ex-spouse awkwardly attempts to reconcile things with the person whom they've abandoned their dreams with and sworn off their vows of eternal devotion to by introducing them to the person who's now taken their place. I'm sure this will go well.
Stage #23: The Cougar. Promoted by Mike Nichols' 1967 film The Graduate, in which Dustin Hoffman mitigates his post-college malaise by hooking up with a woman twice his age (interesting method), "The Cougar" can also be known as the "Mrs. Robinson" or "Dude, I think your Mom just pinched my ass" stage. Very cool. Right?
Stage #24-27: These stages don’t need any titles. Simply put: kids grow up, parents move out, and knock-down-drag-out arguments over car bills or broken toilets suddenly become endearing, schmaltzy memories for the aging married couples.
Stage #28: Watching your loved one die.
Stage #29: You yourself dying (and not in the metaphorical sense).
Stage #30*- you meeting the spirit of your spouse in the afterlife relative to what you believed in on Earth (if you're an atheist I suppose Stage #24 is your last step, if you find yourself in Hell you might want to read Dante's Divine Comedy, and if you believe in reincarnation, well, I can't really help you there).
*By the way, it's not cheating if you've both transcended space and time.
*By the way, it's not cheating if you've both transcended space and time.
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