The 30 Stages of Liminality (Humor)

From the writer of the "30 Stages of Relationships" comes a new list... this time of the 30 steps people go through after leaving college and entering the working world. Bear in mind, just like my last "30 Stages" list, this one is very playful and tongue-in-cheek. Please do not take any of the steps too seriously.

1) Graduation Day. Congratulate your fellow classmates on their achievements, wish them good luck, and then send them your deepest condolences.
2) "I'm thinking on moving to a bigger place. I wonder how many square feet my parents' basement is."
3) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
4) Preparing the resume. I think we've gotten to a point in our society where perhaps including "Dance Party Host" and "Captain of the Beer Pong Team" are useful entries to include under "Relevant Experience."
5) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
6) It's always important to travel the world and go as many places as you can when you get the chance. Given that you've maxed out your debit card and are currently living at home with your parents, this seems like a very smart option.
7) [Insert underwater pool shot of Benjamin Braddock from The Graduate]
8) Social Networking. It's all about getting to know people and building connections that'll last a lifetime (or at least until the internet server crashes and you actually have to meet up with someone in person). 
9) Move to a young, hip, lively American city, somewhere where there are lots of rock concerts every weekend, marathons every month, and bars that are open all night long every day of the week...oh, and if you have the time, a low crime and unemployment rate as well.
10) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
11) Reality Television. Because when our forefathers built this nation, parading around drunk and half-naked in front of millions of viewers for a 30-minute time-slot was the dream they hoped every perseverant, hardworking American could reach.
12) When in doubt, open a cupcake store.
13) "A dog is a man's best friend." Get yourself one and you can continue to do all the kinds of things you'd do with your normal group of friends: walk them around the block on a leash, clean up their waste, and feed them bowls of food on the floor.
14) Sometimes it's best to go back to the Ivory Tower. Grad school can teach you many important job skills you might not have learned as an undergraduate in college (for instance, how to bang your head on the table when you realize how far into debt you've gone).
15) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
16) Buy a car. Or if you wishing to save some money, buy a hot air balloon and everyone will think you're Jules Verne.
17) Alumni Weekend. The sudden realization that you are no longer allowed to freely explore every single whimsical idea that comes to mind. I wish there was a more whimsical way of saying that.
18) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
19) The sudden realization that summers are no longer neatly bookended gaps of time in which one can explore all of the great and wondrous marvels of life. That is unless of course, as a kid, you marveled at how the air conditioner inside an office building worked.
20) Marriage. You know, that institution-like thing you enter into when you realize that you're so deeply in love with a person that you're willing to spend the rest of your life with them... or when you realize that it's just the popular thing to do.
21) Buying your first home. Too bad all those crude sketches from elementary school of two vertical lines with a triangle on top costed much more than you thought.
22) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
23) Oops! That was all a dream. I'm not married and I don't own a home. I'm still living in that crummy one-bedroom apartment off 31st Street.
24) Happy Hour? A disquieting notion. Isn't it? Realizing that we can only relegate one 60-minute period of the day in which to be joyful. How about Happy Day? or Happy Week? 
25) Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece.
26) Oh! No. Wait! That was all a dream! I'm not living in my own apartment. I'm still at my parents' house and it's only been two months since I graduated college. I wonder what's for dinner?
27) I wonder what's on TV?
28) I wonder who the next President of the United Sates will be?
29) Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree.
30) Every person in the world can achieve the "American Dream." Just set yourself up in a cardboard box and put a white picket fence up around it. It's as simple as that.